Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
