oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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