This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
