I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
