She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
