cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
