You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
