plz talk dirty to me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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