I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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