he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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