Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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