no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
