her vagine was all disorganized.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
