Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
