I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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