I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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