Already got asked if we're dating
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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