Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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