Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
