i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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