1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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