speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
