so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize