oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
