We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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