'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
