i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
