It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she looked like the before picture.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
