dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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