My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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