The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
