batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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