Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
people are starting to question the shark bite story
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
