I wish my penis had an off switch
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
