if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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