Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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