I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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