I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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