i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize