$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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