if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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