Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
