wakey wakey hands off snakey
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
