Do you still have your period?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
