that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize