ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
