I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
