Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
how does that bad decision feel?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize