we made out on top of his cat.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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