The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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