I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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