he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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