I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
