The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
