He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
