I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize