i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
