I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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