Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
