if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
