doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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