He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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