1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize