Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Small penises have feelings too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
