He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
