Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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