i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he fucked my hip out of place.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
