She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
