I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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