Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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