she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
