Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
