My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
