If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
