I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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