i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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