she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
