I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize