Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
