I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
