I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
