I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
