If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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