I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
NoShamevember. You game?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
