My sheets look like a crime scene.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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