My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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